Today is Wednesday. I had been in ill condition for 1 week. Actually my flu condition had improved but yesterday, a severe sore throat struck me and it was really painful. Now I am still having the sore throat.
Just now, I realised that the members of the other group were still lingering around the ward and clerking as well as learning from the patients. I felt a bit guilty for staying in the room the whole afternoon watching entertainment videos and read books on ECG. The worst of wall, I hadn't clerk any patient this week. It is already the second week of my medicine posting and it is coming to the end. I felt that my attitude is very terrible.
I think I should CHANGE in the new year which is just one day time. I must pick myself up and clerk at least one case a day whenever I don't have class with Dr Chua. I must also practice my physical examination at the same time as our end of posting exam will be concentrating on it. Besides, I must spend more time in my study than watching all the videos I got from my friends although they are very attractive. So I can only watch 1 hour of it everyday.
GAMBATEH !!!! you can do it. Don't be scare to learn as I am very worry about myself being rejected and scolded by patients but I must be strong so that I can perform well before going back home to celebrate CNY with my family members.
Yesterday evening, mom called and she told me that dad bought a new 40 inches plasma television. I was shocked. I thought they will only buy new television after settling my little brother's scholarship crisis. I think my little brother is the man behind this thing.
She also told me that my little sister went to snow skating again and this time don't know where she went for snow skating. She really know how to enjoy herself but cannot blame her since she was unable to come back home so she would rather go outing with friends then staying in the boring hostel.
I really hoped the Medicine posting phobia don't come back to me again... I really don't feel well during the first medicine posting.... I really hoped that everything will be just fine...

Unexcited Weekend...

Today is the Boxing Day. I am alone in my room doing my own stuff ( reading, studying and watching drama ). It is 3.30 in the afternoon and the weather is warm because it rained this morning and in the afternoon, the sun only peeked out for a while then hid behind the cloud. However, it is not a condition for me because I was sick since Thursday (24 Dec 2009). Majority of my coursemates went back home because it was the end of the first week of a new posting and it was a Christmas holiday. I wanted to go home but the holiday period was too short and the air fare was too expensive.
On Thursday, I fell sick began with a sore throat in the morning and fever in the afternoon and blocked nose on the Christmas morning. I think the reason I fell sick was that I ate fried stuff the day before and walked under the hot sun. In addition, I just let go of my responsibility as a leader so the burden was lifted off and I don't have to 'ging' anymore. Besides, the desire to go home was so strong especially when seeing all my friends could went back home to be with their family members. All these made me more prone to illness and more hard to get well. Haihz... I am waiting for my mom to call me because I wanted to talk to her, anything will do but until now, she hadn't call. I know that I can call back but the bill is expensive and I don't want her to know I am sick.
Haihz... OH ya, yesterday evening, Christmas evening, I was about to go down to the dining hall, as I stepped out of my room, I saw a very beautiful view where by the rain fell softly and soundless in the evening sunray. It was so beautiful and it looked like snow was falling down. The funny thing is that it only rain at the badminton courts and when I looked to the back of my hostel through my windows, it was not raining there. It was very beautiful...
The flu really made me tired and also I got a lot of videos from my friends, cannot concentrate in studying. I really hoped that something will stick in my brain.
Almost everyday, I longed to go home and always think how to change my time with others so that I am in time to go airport on Thursday morning. Luckily that Wei Ying did not change time for the flight coming back to KL from Sibu, if not, I needed to think of how to come back here (Klang hostel) but still ok, got taxi mah... but very expensive.
I can hear the sound of the thunder now, seems like it is gonna rain later again... Really hope my sickness can get well as soon as possible.

I felt so bad now. I just rejected to go to the Medsoc AGM because I don't feel like going besides I already told her like last year I didn't want to become the secretary of the committee but she just don't want to let me go although she is doing all the job and I just cross my hand enjoying the title of Medsoc secretary. And this make me feel so bad about myself. It is her decision for not letting other committee members to know the truth or she had already forgotten this incident. I really hate it.
I chosed to have fun with my friends over this AGM. I really don't know whether my decision is right or not. But I had made my decision to follow my friends in the end to celebrate the Winter Festival.
This morning I had my first wardround with Dr Chua who is specialised in respiratory system. He is a nice doctor and easy going. It is just that I was quite surprised about myself for acting so casually in front of him and could not perform well. I also felt that quite a lot of my knowledge had left my brain or it is time to brush up the knowledge that I just installed into my brain during my first posting. But luckily everything went smoothly. I hope I will do good in this Medicine posting because I got scared of the ward yesterday afternoon. The condition is really different from the Surgery ward. It is very crowded and everyone is looking very sick and in distressed. I felt like I lost of direction yesterday afternoon and could not settle my mood.
This few days I really long to go back home. I don't know why the feeling is so strong this time. I never had such strong longing last year. Probably my brother is back at home and the life in clinical year really made you miss home easily due to the pressure and plus all my colleagues are going back this weekend because there a few public holidays recently.

My heart is not calm and is worrying or anxious about a lot of things. This two days should be a short break for me but I don't know why I woke up so early in the morning. I thought I can wake up late and let myself relax a bit but I think I just can't relax in this hostel.
Now what I am worrying is about the transport to go and back from airport during my Chinese New Year holidays. This is because I'll be going to the airport alone as Wei Ying had to cancel her ticket due to exam. When coming back, it will very late when I reach LCCT so, at first, I was thinking of asking Jessica to fetch me but after asking for her help to give me a lift to the KTM station, I already feel it is quite hard to ask for that favour. So I think I will just a taxi down to Klang when I am back from Sibu.
Besides, I hope I can skip for the first 2 days of CRP as I bought the ticket already. Since it is only briefing. Then, the Medsoc AGM, which I need to present about the activities that had been done for the past one year and no data or info was given to me. The worse is that she didn't inform me about the presentation earlier so that I can make preparation. It never cross her mind that I might think that the agm will be different from previous year or I might not want to go to the agm and thinking of way to escape. I think I am also foolish to ask her this question. Haihz... What to do? The sense of responsibility in me is too strong but I really don't want to go... I would not care about anything until she give me d thing. But everytime she is very, very last minute...
Just now I asked my buddy about the cRP stuff and she said the SPM staff is quite strict with the attendance so I am thinking of buying the return ticket again but it is surely very expensive now. If not, I just write a letter telling them I can manage to get ticket for that time, all is fully booked... Really headache...
The most fustrating thing is that the wireless connection today is so bad that I can connect it and it had to be bad when I wanted to online so badly...
Things always like that when you are so in need of it, it just don't want to cooperate with you...
I really nope everything will be just fine... That's all folks... Talk to you again next time...

Before that, I think I will stop worrying those things and like parents said before that problems that can be settled by money is not a problem. But what I worried is that recently a thief just broke into my house and stolen the plasma television. The house to do some admendments for better security purpose and Dad wanted to buy new television. In addition to that, the old Toyota car broke down recently and money was spent for the repair as well as services. Dad also was thinking of changing the car. All these add together cost a large sum of money and how I wish now that I have more scholarships that can support my air tickets and expenses here...Luckily my sister is not using much money from that and my bro and I are partially supported my scholarships...
So I think I better stop worry and see what happens at that time...

Avatar - A nice movie...

Yesterday evening, I went to watch the new James Cameron's movie - Avatar. Actually I didn't know what was the movie about but when I saw the movie preview the other day, I thought it would be very nice. After watching it, it was indeed very nice. You can read the synopsis in the following link :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avatar_(2009_film)

It was about a new moon, Pandora, where there was a valuable mineral that can help the explorer to earn million and million of dollars. But the place where this mineral is located is an area where the moon's aborigines, the Na'vi, stay. The aborigines look like blue humanoid cat with a tail. In order to understand their culture and their needs, the human produced the similar alien using the aborigines' DNA and the chosen human DNA, just like in vitro baby. The produced alien is known as AVATAR. There is this guy who was supposed to enter this avatar was unfortunately dead during a mission and there was no one to use his avatar. Luckily he got a twin brother, Jake Sully, an ex-marine army but was paralysed during a mission who can drive his avatar. After much thinking, he decided to help out since he cannot go back to the marine.

After he started to drive the Avatar, he found a new life where he can walk again, learned about bonding and the beauty of Mother nature. He also fell in love with the a Na'vi's young female, Neytiri. When the explorers' were pressured by the money investors, they inhumanely attacked the Pandora and destroyed the home of hundreds of Na'vi and also killed hundreds of Na'vis that try to protect their home as well as their loved ones. Jake Sully and the other biologists could not stand with such violence that they started to help out the Na'vis and they succeeded but many had to be sacrified. In the end, Jake Sully stayed back and remained as Avatar forever.

Comments:
I liked the effects that had used in the movie. The forest was so beautiful at night. And the creatures in that forest were very beautiful but they resembled the animals on Earth. I liked the part where Jake Sully as a avatar interact with the Na'vis and the love relationship between him and Neytiri. I liked and I was sad too for the part where the Na'vis fight for their home and loved ones. I hated the inhumane actions of the soldiers. Overall I enjoyed the film...

Long Tme No See...

It has been a while I didn't drop a few words in my blog. I was quite busy for the past few weeks. I was busy with the rounds and making appointment with the surgeons from UMMC since I was the leader for this time Surgery posting but soon I will be free from this burden as I am moving to my third posting, back to Medicine, so new leader will be elected. Besides, I was busy filling up my log books, presentations and case summaries. Not forgetting my end of posting test which I struggled to get through it. Finally, I ended my Surgery posting on Thursday after I finished my long case.

Now I would like to share some of my feelings regarding the Surgery end of posting exam. The writing part was on the first day which was Monday. It was quite tough as there was no pass year can be referred and there was a lot we needed to write but not enough time. Luckily I was enabled to answer all the questions before time up but did not know the answers that I gave were correct or not but at least I tried to write down everything I know. Then I waited for another 2 days before my long case which was held back in UMMC. Before I went for the exam, I heard from the 2 groups before us that it was fine but there were tough cases too however everyone got nice doctors as examiner. So we who were in the last group got a bit nervous because we didn't know which doctors we would be getting. We were lucky that we met with some of our seniors we were asked to select cases for our exam and they told us the available cases in the ward but they didn't know whether the doctors would pick their cases. I got an appendicitis case and my patient had a nasogastric tube as well as intravenous line attached to him. So he had some difficulties during the interview and physical examination but he was too nice as he tried his best to answer my questions and very cooperative. I was very happy and glad that I got him as my patient and I hoped for the best for him... Besides, the doctor in charge to examine me was very nice too. He did not put too much pressure on me and he did guide me to answer his questions. When I finished, I went back to the waiting room and I was surprised to know that I was the first one to finish the exam. I really hoped that I could pass my Surgery end of posting...

On the very day after my exam, I went out with my friends to the Jusco at Bukit Tinggi. We went there by bus as we failed to borrow a car and we watched the newest movie, 'Avatar'. At first, I was a bit tired because I only slept for 5 hours the night before and normally I sleep for 7 hours. However everything was fine and the movie was nice too, for me as some of my friends didn't really appreciated the movie. I will talked more about the movie in my next post. Then we went for grocery shopping and back to our hostel with a taxi.

The hostel was very quite as a lot went back for the weekend because today, Friday is a public holiday and it was after-exam-week. I watched a short variety show and finished up my Jusco sushi and went to sleep, hoping to get a good rest. I did had a good night sleep but woke up early because my heart and mind will not relax as they are so tensed up with all the things I needed to do.... Haihz... The stressing and tensing medical life is starting to creep on me...