What an afternoon? Just it rained so hard and at the same time the lightning and thunder was so horrible and scary.
When it started to rain, lightning and thunder, my heart didn't stop thumping. It was so scary. It was just like explosions in a war. YOu could see the flashes of bright lightning and the loud roaring of the thunder. I never experienced such horriffic rain. Until now, the rain just stopped, my heart couldn't calm down.
In addition, I was very tired and I drank half a cup of coffee and worries that would not disappear. All these add up made my heart and mind so unpeaceful. I really hope that I can settle down my emotion and have a nice nap. I will just settle the arrangement of the time with the doctors tomorrow morning after I finish my presentation.
So please, my heart and mind, STOP WORRYING!!!!

Now I am feeling very 'fan'. I don't know why I am feeling so. I don't do anything exciting today. It is just suddenly there is mixed feelings in my heart and feels like a bit of lost of direction. However, I still know what I should do. I just don't know how to express my feelings now.
Worry, sad, anxiety, etc... I really don't know. I had a sudden impulse to sleep now till tomorrow morning. But it is not the right thing to do. Even when I watch the drama just now, I also have no mood. Haihz...
Probably everyone is moving forward but I am still on the same old spot. Or because my log book, I haven't got signature for long case presentation category because I haven't present. I really hope I will gather all my guts and present asap so that I no need to worry so much...

Just now my roommate asked me whether I wanted to go with her to the ward to see my coursemate who is admitted yesterday evening due to head injury and I declined her asking. I don't know why I said no but I think there will be a lot of my coursemates will go and visit him. Besides, I think I don't have much to say to him other than wishing get well soon as I am not very close to him unlike my roommate, who is closer to him. I called up my mom but she didn't pick up my call because my auntie from Miri came to Sibu to distribute invitation cards of her daughter's wedding to all the relatives. My dad called back and I talked to him. I felt much better as he said that if I visited him later is fine, at least I got go and visit him, if he is still in the ward if I go find him. But I hoped that he will be discharged soon. Besides, my nextdoor neighbour also told me that she haven't go and visit him because she thinks that now he must be tired and so required more rest, so she will go there few days later.
So I think it is nothing, the most important thing is the heart.

07 NOV 2009

Just now my roommate asked me whether I wanted to go with her to the ward to see my coursemate who is admitted yesterday evening due to head injury and I declined her asking. I don't know why I said no but I think there will be a lot of my coursemates will go and visit him. Besides, I think I don't have much to say to him other than wishing get well soon as I am not very close to him unlike my roommate, who is closer to him. I called up my mom but she didn't pick up my call because my auntie from Miri came to Sibu to distribute invitation cards of her daughter's wedding to all the relatives. My dad called back and I talked to him. I felt much better as he said that if I visited him later is fine, at least I got go and visit him, if he is still in the ward if I go find him. But I hoped that he will be discharged soon. Besides, my nextdoor neighbour also told me that she haven't go and visit him because she thinks that now he must be tired and so required more rest, so she will go there few days later.
So I think it is nothing, the most important thing is the heart.

Y am I like that?!!

Today is a Friday, end of a tired week. This morning I had wardround with Dr Chong, another surgery doctor from UMMC. He is a nice guy and taught us a lot of things.
This afternoon, I relaxed myself by watching few episodes of 'Nodame Cantabile' and had a nap. It was a nice afternoon but I could not have a deep nap, maybe because I still could not settle down my feelings after a hectic week.
This evening, I went with my gang. Before we went out, we got to know that our coursemate, chew Pong Keong, got admitted to the hospital after he injured the back of his head while he was playing basketball or football. While he was playing, he accidentally stepped on the ball, slipped and fell backward and knocked the back of his head on the floor. He suffered 30 seconds of seizure (tonic-clonic) and went into unconscious stage. He was immediately sent to the hospital and he regained his consciousness but not long after that, he started to vomit ( a sign of raised of intracranial pressure). Therefore, a Computed-Tomography (CT) scan was done to see whether there is any bleeding in his head. The scan showed that there was bleeding in his bleeding. So he was admitted to the Surgery ward to be monitored overnight before sending to Medicine ward. My male coursemates rotated the whole night to take care of him.
When I got to know this incident, there was slight feeling of surprise and shock in me but there was no other feelings. I don't feel sympathy or worry for him. It was so funny. My friends were worry of him but not me. I had a positive thinking and I feel that he will recover soon. Through this incident, I feel like I am emotionless and doesn't know how to care for other people. So cold hearted. But if I am so cold blooded, then I wouldn't be so sad and cried so hard when my nephew passed away in a car accident last year. Hence I think I have such feelings because I am not very close to them (actually I am not very close with anyone, there must be a distant between all my friends as to give each other some spaces of privacy) so not too deep feelings to them.
But I still hope that he will get well soon and doesn't suffer any side effects from the knock.

p/s: just now I got a message from my new doctor-in-charge for my wardround, he is now out-station, so no classes on Monday. Hooray. Then can go see some procedures or operation...