LOST!!!!

I am very sad and depressed today. I don't know why I am like that. I started my clinical phase in Klang Hospital, Selangor 2 weeks ago. At first I was fine and just follow the classes that were arranged for us. Now I am in the Medicine posting. In the posting, we get to see various type of cases and consultants from University Malaya Medical Centre (UMMC) will come over here to teach us. We will go to the ward, following rounds and clerking (taking history and do physical examination) our own patients, then present them to the consultants. When I started to learn how to clerk patient , it was fine, but as the time goes by, I began to loss myself. I was not very keen to go to the ward to clerk patients after all. I have no direction now, I don't know what should I read first because cases we see everyday are not in the same systems. Besides, we need to present cases in order to get our log book to be signed by the medical staff in-charge.

Today my mood is getting worse. My interest in this course is slipping away day by day. I don't have the courage to talk to patients, I don't have the anticipation and high spirits like my course mates to go to the ward and clerk patients everyday, I feel so bad for not doing my duty as a medical student to the best. What is happening to me now?!!! I feel like crying now and I just want to leave the course, go back home and start a new life. Maybe I feel so stress up because everyone is working hard and moving forward to fulfill their dreams and I on the other hand still standing on the present point and not doing anything. I just don't have the push to do so... Why like that?!!! I just hope that this feeling of lost will disappear as soon as possible because my posting only last for 8 weeks and there will be an end of posting exam which I cannot fail...Sniff..Sniff...